Chapter Three:
Names are weird. I remember when I first came to the US and didn’t speak a lick of the language. I’d listen intently to the words said and not on the weight of said words. I would sit in class during roll call, attempting to nail down the pronunciation of the word “Present”, once my turn came. I wanted to say it just as fast, just as clearly, just as well as any of the other kids. I wanted to fit in, like any other being. But I had a name that stood out. Nico? Knee-Q? Where is that name from? And with a last name like Zarrabi, I was usually the last name called out during roll call, because of alphabetical order. I hated that, by the way, because that meant I was last to eat lunch in public school and I was a chunky little kid.
But back to my original point. Names are weird. And I remember this girl, who had a French last name. I just never realized she did, because she’d say her name was Sarah “Gwalmee”. That doesn’t sound French to me. One day I added her on Facebook. Guillaume. “Gi-yo-m”. That epiphany made me chuckle, as I wondered who taught her, that her name was pronounced that way. I am in no way poking fun. It was an observation I made and to me, it stood out. I didn’t even know my full name until I was 13, because it’s not in any of my legal documents. “Nikou Naam Zarrabi Kashani”. Nikou on its own means good. Nikou naam means good name, in the sense of a good reputation. Zarrabi is like.. Goldsmith, if you well. But devoid of religious implications like the name Goldsmith has. Kashani means from the region of Kashan, in Iran.
Chapter Four: Walter
If you read the Linville Gorge blog post, you read about Wally. I call out his name in the Amphitheater as I’m looking for this person I hardly know and some random group overhears me. They say: “Wally? What kind of name is Wally?” As I’m retroactively writing these blogposts, I’ve had a couple of people from the Chossy Trio Renegades reach out to me. This is a group of 50+ climbers that formed in the last year. As the name implies, it started out as a trio. Wally is the creator of the group, an original member of the Chossy Trio Renegades. And he created the group for this purpose: To find a rope team and climb outside. When I climbed with him in August 2019, I was probably the 5th or 6th member to join. It feels like it’s been a while, as a lot has happened since then. When Wally and I did Linville, it unleashed the flood gates. We’ve been growing our group, even as Corona shutdown the world. CTR for life!
Anyhow, people reached out to me from the CTR, Wally being one of those people. He laughed at the flattering description I gave of him. Yes, you might be wondering why I still talk to the guy, if I said in the last blog post that he ditched me. But as I’ve mentioned, a lot had happened that day, for the both of us. And a lot has happened since that day. Still, I try to write my posts to be as true to the story as possible. At the time, I remember I was slightly angry at the man. We discussed and he apologized, praised me for what I was able to accomplish, despite of him and asked me if I wanted to go to the Red River Gorge in Kentucky. I don’t quite remember what happened but I had gotten into an accident and my car was in the shop. I had no way of getting there and I’m not even sure that I wanted to go with him. But Linville gave me a bit of faith in myself, and I felt like I could probably handle myself alright and survive just fine.
If you remember Steven and Kathryn from the previous post, I reached out to them, telling them that I was considering going to the Red. To my surprise, they were already there. The RRG is their homecrag and they were planning on staying for a bit. I asked them if, worst case scenario, I could climb with them, as I wasn’t sure how things would go with Wally. They gave me the reassurance that they’d be there the weekend I planned on going and that we could climb together. Wally told me he’d be willing to pick me up in Atlanta and drive the entire way to the Red. With a much better plan in place, than the one we had for Linville, I felt reassured. From Atlanta, Georgia to Slade, Kentucky, it took us somewhere around 7 hours of driving. We talked for a while and got to know each other better. I don’t remember what about. Just a little bit of everything. I realized this man had been through more than anyone I know. I don’t even remember all the topics we covered. I just remember one distinct conversation.
I tried to understand why he even offered to take me out of the gym. What was his goal there? Why was I left behind at Linville? Why did he even push so hard, those months between February and August, when I finally climbed with him at Currahee that first time, to try to get me outside? I think I had everyone pinned as a villain. I didn’t have much in common with others, living in the South. I felt ostracized for being different most of my life. I learned not to trust. And it didn’t help that both my parents had to raise themselves past 13 years old, so they grew very wary of people early on in life. But they gave me the name Nikou or “Good” because they hoped that’s what I would bring to people. I felt like my heart wasn’t in the right place. A lot of that hate I felt for being ostracized, I dished out onto others at times, without realizing. So I think, I knew the answer to most of these questions. I knew what I wanted to accomplish. I wanted a change. I was still looking for something to inspire hope. I was disillusioned but I still searched to find something to put me back on the right path and to love people again.
Wally. Walter, meaning ruler of the army, ruled his own army. He had a group at a time. As we discussed, he told me he felt like he didn’t lead them the right way. He too, at some point, had a change of heart. He wanted to do something out of the good of his heart, to make up for his past. I realized how much he had experienced in life. I understood that he was just trying to do something right, and unfortunately, the way things played out in Linville, it turned out completely different from what he had hoped to do. But his intentions were good. And while the Linville trip was a struggle fest for me, I would not change it for the world. I slowly began to understand that there were still good people out there. I opened up that heart I had once closed to the world.
So I crossed 5 states together with this man I hardly knew. Along the way, we passed by the Smoky Mountains. I saw the mountains, obscured by the fog. I turned to Wally and said: “Ohhh, that’s why they call them the Smoky Mtns.” I thought to myself that maybe they should be called the Foggy Mountains. Names are weird. He got a good laugh out of my naiveté. We got to Miguel’s pizza, which is a great place for climbers to camp out at near the RRG. Once there, Wally and I went inside to get some food. I was astounded by the environment I was in. First thing I noticed was this strong climber, Anna Liina Laitinen, who I followed on Instagram. We sat down and I texted Steven and Kathryn, who met up with me and brought the guide book for the area. As I flipped the pages, I saw her in the guide book and realized just how legendary of a place I was in. We discussed plans for the next day. We went back to our respective campsites. Wally and I came back for a little bit, to check out what else Miguel’s had to offer.
I had to sleep out of a tent, in 17 degree weather. I hardly slept at all. I felt like I was awake most of the night, trying to keep warm. This too, was a new experience for Pathfinder. At 5:30 am, I looked up the opening time for Miguel’s pizza. 7 am… I waited eagerly to get inside, warm up and grab some breakfast. The North Carolina climbers, Wally, Steven and Kathryn and I all met up in the morning. I went to climb with Steven and Kathryn at PMRP.
Meanwhile, Wally went with the other group and witnessed someone deck at Muir Valley. Decking, means that you’ve fallen and hit the ground. This person decked from 60 ft up. We got back after climbing and all sat under the pavilion at Miguel’s pizza, as the guys told us their story. There were some hypotheses as to what had happened. Potentially, the climber tied a “rollin’ bowline” and when he weighted his knot at the top of the route, it came undone. Wally’s group was involved in the rescue.
News Article of the man Wally’s group saw deck.
After we discussed the terrible news, Steven and Kathryn inquired about what the other group thought of the Red. We all learned a little bit more about each other, as we discussed the climbing we had done that day. I had mentioned how knowledgeable Steven was and the North Carolina climbers discussed trad climbing and other things that were beyond my comprehension at the time. I sat there nonetheless, a little tired but also pleased, to see what a great group little group we had formed in just a couple of weeks. This soon to be Chossy Trio Renegades talked amongst themselves. We all planned for the next day of climbing and decided to merge our rope teams.
After climbing together, we ate at a Mexican restaurant. I don’t quite remember if we left the next day or not. I just remember we all met up at Miguel’s one last time, to say our goodbyes. Everyone expressed their thanks to Steven and Kathryn for showing us around. I was the last to say goodbye. They seemed really content with the weekend and we hugged goodbye before parting ways. I felt moved and tried to keep my composure, as I left my new friends who I’d miss a ton. I got back in the car with Wally. Ride the high, he said. And so I did as we rode back home.